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I NEARLY LOST YOU
coverage
by Roadmap Writers
"I NEARLY LOST YOU offers a fresh, female-driven take on a classic science fiction time travel trope. The script supplies a small cast of well-rounded, tightly written characters. The writer's strong voice is clear from the first page: the action and dialogue have a poetic rhythm. The structure is successfully suggestive of an Edgar Wright-esque film style.
Premise
The premise is an original spin on a genre-favorite trope.
Characters
This script offers two well-written female protagonists. Rachel and Ann discover and pursue their desires within the plot. They experience complete arcs. Their struggles are clearly identifiable: Rachel, who grew up with nothing, wants a traditional middle-class life while Ann, who grew up with everything, detests the monotonous rat race and yearns for simplicity and self-expression. They complement each other nicely. Ann and Rachel will likely be accessible, relatable characters to a wide age range.
Dialogue
The dialogue is succinct and snappy. It elevates the script and propels the story forward. Better than realistic, it fits the world. The snappy dialogue sets the rhythm of the script, and that rhythm makes this a smooth script. The rhythm is reminiscent of an Edgar Wright film. Every character has a distinct voice.
Story
The story is compelling because it's grounded in a compelling and complex mother/daughter relationship. The story is meaningful because it explores several themes related to feminism, coming-of-age as a young adult, and envy of the unknown. Overall, the story maintained consistent internal logic and each event had a logical role in advancing the story.
Structure
The story structure is clearly visible and correct. The time vortex revealed on page 23 is perfectly timed. The pacing is fast, but a clear stylistic choice.
Voice
The author has a strong and unique voice. Their voice is poetic and coolly aloof in a way that perfectly conveys the tone and visual style of the piece. The writing is alive and demonstrates mastery of visual language. The visuals on [page 113] are especially good.
Summary
I NEARLY LOST YOU is a fun, high-energy time travel tale of a mother and daughter repairing their relationship by repairing themselves. It delivers strong female characters, quick dialogue, and a solid story. The author's voice is unique and memorable. The story's heart is Rachel and Ann's relationship, so illustrate it in the logline to better market this excellent script."
GRADE: "Recommend"
After giving up her baby girl for adoption, a lonely young woman from the ‘90s time-travels, via a vortex in the ladies room of a local grunge rock venue, to the present to meet her depressed adult daughter, and the women, unhappy for opposite reasons, travel back to the '90s together to help each other find joy, self-worth, and the passion to live before returning to their own lives changed for the better.
The lead characters are Ann and Rachel.
Ann is of the present, hobbled with loneliness, anxiety and existential dread. She grew up in a wealthy home with the best education and precise professional life plan.
Rachel is from the 1990s. She had a traumatic childhood and lives by her street sense, taking nothing for granted.
It’s 1990s California and Rachel’s big weakness is music.
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After a fateful one-night stand with a post-grunge metal guitarist...
...named Frock, who has a similarly troubled past...
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...Rachel decides the best thing to do is to give up their new baby daughter for adoption.
Deeply regretting her decision, when Rachel discovers a time vortex in the ladies room of a raucous live music venue called The Electric Banana...
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...she takes a big chance on a trip to the future to find her daughter.
Rachel enters the future in what is now no longer The Electric Banana but a subdued wired venue called Shadows, and meets Ann, who quit her stressful career as a young attorney and just embarked on a new job as the Shadows budtender.
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Ann and Rachel bond as Rachel unknowingly saves Ann's life with common sense from a time gone by.
When Rachel tells Ann that she is the daughter whom she gave up for adoption, Ann is overcome by a flood of emotions.
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Ann wants to return with Rachel to experience a different life, intrigued by her stories of real interpersonal connection. In Ann, Rachel at last sees an opportunity for family and a home, her lifelong dream.
When Ann travels back in time with Rachel she is changed forever.
Ann goes out on a partying spree, experiencing the highs and lows...
...until things get too wild one night at Lollapalooza...
...where she goes to see her birth father Frock for the first time, with his band Shift.
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Frock jumps from the stage, crowd surfing until he finds Ann to pull her from a mosh pit, unconscious.
He visits Ann at the hospital and offers to teach her to play guitar, not knowing she’s his daughter.
Ann picks up the lessons almost preternaturally and surprises everyone when she joins Frock onstage at a concert at The Electric Banana.
Frock and Ann’s connection also reignites Frock and Rachel.
Finally finding her life's passion and happier than she ever felt before, Ann faces off with a mysterious young man who insists she must return to her life in the future.
The young man reveals he is Rachel and Frock's second child, who was born when they eventually reunited at a later time.
He is sure that if Ann remains in the past reunited with her birth parents, they won’t have another child.
Ann must decide to give up her newfound bliss to save a brother she never knew, dying there before her eyes.
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Her decision becomes more urgent when she has reason to suspect she may have lost her adoptive parents in the future, whom she misses and truly loves.
Resigned to returning to the future, Ann revisits the ladies room time portal, but this time there’s a problem.
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Ann has stayed too long in the past to go back forward.
The family comes together: sister, brother, mother and father, in a spectacular musical plan for Ann to time travel from the rickety roof of The Electric Banana.
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Back in present time at Shadows, Ann displays her newly acquired 90s grunge guitar skills. Gen Z is stunned, accustomed to low-information pop. Rachel applauds loudly...
...but the resolution is bittersweet when Ann rushes to greet an older couple at the door. Ann is excited to introduce Rachel to her parents, who are of course stunned to see Rachel, the mother from whom they adopted Ann back in 1996.
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"I really appreciated how naturalistic and pained their frayed connection ends up being. There is a melancholy and specificity that really sets this story apart from other time travel comedies/dramedies."
(Roadmap Writers)